Written by Jane Mose

Ten years before I became a parent, I was a teacher. With my master’s degree in special education and considerable experience working with children and adults with disabilities, I saw myself primarily as the person to whom parents of children with special needs could turn for information. I would share my knowledge and expertise with parents and guide them.

Then my husband and I became the parents of six children.

Three of our children were born into the family, and three entered through adoption. Suddenly I was a mom to children with a variety of trauma backgrounds, physical disabilities, and learning differences. And I learned just how much I had not understood about the lives of my students and their parents!

Benefits and Obstacles to Understanding
Most teachers probably realize that parent-teacher collaboration is vital. When parents and teachers collaborate effectively, students do better with academics, behavior, and attendance. (Chen & Gregory, 2011; Shumov & Miller, 2001; Simpkins, Weiss, McCartney, Kreider, & Dearing, 2006). And collaboration works best when it is based on an equal relationship, with parents and teachers sharing responsibility as partners (Epstein, 2001; King-Sears, Brawand, Jenkins, & Preston-Smith, 2014).

Having a collaborative relationship is difficult, however, when teachers do not understand the perspectives of their students’ parents. It is especially difficult for teachers to understand the perspectives of parents whose children have disabilities or mental or physical health struggles.

Parents raising children with extraordinary challenges are having experiences to which most parents cannot relate. Depending on the situation, here are some things the parents might be dealing with:

• Taking their children to many doctor appointments and therapy sessions each week
• Repeated hospitalizations
• Carrying out medical treatments and personal cares for their children that take a great deal of time
• Seeing their children keep their behaviors under control at school only to “let go” and have multiple meltdowns or rages when they get home
• Repeated, discouraging calls and emails from school staff and others about their children’s behaviors
• Inability to get their children to focus on homework at night after daytime medications have worn off
• Being up throughout the night to care for children’s medical needs or nighttime fears
• Police visits to the home, as well as criticism and judgments from family and friends
• Difficulty attending church due to children’s sensory issues or behaviors

As a result, these parents often feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and extremely isolated. And for various reasons, they are not likely to be forthcoming with everything that their family is going through.

Building Trust
In order for parents of struggling children to open up to teachers and share their perspectives, trust must be established. It can be difficult for parents of children with challenges to trust teachers (Angell et al, 2009). Often parents are afraid to tell teachers about the severity of their children’s struggles out of fear that the teacher will no longer want that child in the classroom. The prospect of losing access to a Christian education for their children can be heartbreaking to parents. Parents may also be reluctant to talk openly with teachers because they have had negative experiences when they did so in the past.

Teachers can do a great deal to establish trust with parents of children with extra challenges. Here are some possibilities:

• Make a home visit before the start of the school year to get to know the home situation better.
• Use your best, non-judgmental listening skills when talking with parents. Paraphrase what they are saying to check if you are understanding correctly, and learn from the parents. Be quick to listen and slow to speak (James 1:19).
• Ask parents their goals and dreams for their children, and focus on working toward them.
• Look for opportunities to get to know the children better outside of school, such as by attending some of their sports events or music recitals.
• Make sure that the parents’ communications with you are not all negative. Challenge yourself to share the children’s positive behaviors and progress more often than you share negative feedback. Express not only how much you genuinely care for the children, but also reasons you are glad they are in your class!

Once we understand parents’ perspectives, we are better able to determine what types of collaboration are, and are not, realistic for the family. We also have the opportunity to find ways that the members of the body of Christ can come alongside those parents in a supportive way to help “carry each other’s burdens” (Galatians 6:2).

As Christ’s representatives, we teachers can model God’s love for parents by our interactions with them. We can also have an incredible impact by reminding parents that no matter what challenges their children have, they are precious to God—and to us!

Jane Mose (DMLC ’85, Cardinal Stritch College ’88 MA Special Education) is the Student Services Director for St. Mark Lutheran School in Green Bay, Wisconsin, and an adjunct instructor for MLC Continuing Education. She and her husband began a WELS ministry called Light for Parents in 2020.

Paul and Jane Mose will be presenting this topic at the WELS Education Conference in Pewaukee, Wisconsin, on June 20. REGISTER HERE to attend the conference and this sectional.

References
Angell, M. E., Stoner, J. B., & Shelden, D. L. (2009). Trust in education professionals: Perspectives of mothers of children with disabilities. Remedial and Special Education, 30, 160–176. doi:10.1177/0741932508315648

Chen, W., & Gregory, A. (2011). Parental involvement in the prereferral process: Implications for schools. Remedial & Special Education, 32, 447–457. doi:10.1177/0741932510362490

Epstein, J. L. (2001). School, family and community partnerships: Preparing educators and improving schools. Boulder: Westview.  

King-Sears, M. E., Brawand, A. E., Jenkins, M. C., & Preston-Smith, S. (2014). Co-teaching perspectives from secondary science co-teachers and their students with disabilities. Journal of Science Teacher Education, 25, 651–680. doi:10.1007/s10972-014-9391-2

Shumov, L., & Miller, J. D. (2001). Parents at-home and at-school academic involvement with young adolescents. Journal of Early Adolescents, 21, 68–91.

Simpkins, S. D., Weiss, H. B., McCartney, K., Kreider, H. M., & Dearing, E. (2006). Mother–child relationship as a moderator of the relation between family educational involvement and child achievement. Parenting: Science & Practice, 6, 49–57. doi:10.1207/s15327922par0601_2