Mood like the Weather

I was recently trying to decide what to write about for this blog while on a plane, and so many things went through my mind that I fell asleep. (That could’ve been due to the fact that I got only three hours of sleep the night before, but who really knows…) I could write about anything and everything. My travels, my flatmates, the food, you name it. I think that focusing on those things, however, would give an incomplete view of my semester. This semester has been a whirlwind of emotions. Really, really high highs and really, really low lows. Considering the fact that I will assuredly be giving a highlight reel of my adventures many times over in the future, I figured that for this blog, I’d put the negative of that film on display. A behind-the-scenes look at my life over the past few months, you might say. Not that I won’t talk about my travels or new experiences; those are things that have shaped my moods and this period of personal growth. However, I want to paint a realistic picture of my time abroad. As much as this blog is for the readers, the process of dissecting my thoughts enough to put them into cohesive words has already helped me to truly appreciate how much I’ve grown as a person. (Pictured above: An enjoyable time of solitude featuring a warm minced pie and an espresso.)

I chose this title because I have found that throughout my life, my mood has mirrored the weather, which I think is true for many people. Seasonal depression doesn’t leave a stone unturned. That being said, just as the weather here fluctuates consistently, so has my mood changed drastically at times this semester. The excitement of traveling caught off guard by the ho-hum of the school week. A flip-flop between craving the comfort of familiarity and loving the freedom of unfamiliarity. I’ve found that a semester abroad isn’t for the faint of heart; it’s for those who believe that they can handle it. It will simultaneously be one of the most difficult times in your life and also one of the most fulfilling.
I’ve found that what I do and how I live out my days truly affects my moods. If you’ve been keeping up with my blogs, you already know that I don’t have much homework and I have a lot of free time, especially during the week. Considering the go, go, go attitude of American culture, having this much uninterrupted solitude is something that I haven’t ever really experienced. It’s like a choose-your-own-adventure novel. I have nothing going on. Do I: a) doom scroll online, b) read a book, c) go outside for some exercise, d) explore a new hobby, e) call someone, or f) see if any of my friends are free? I know that each one of them will affect my mood later, but it’s easy to forget the final outcome when clicking on an app is so much easier than leaving my room to go for a run. Self-motivation is difficult. One of the biggest things that I’ve learned about myself this semester is that I need time constraints and people in my life. I’m not talking rigorous scheduling, but at least some outward motivation to keep myself on task. Solitude also doesn’t help with motivation. Of course, most people need some solitude to thrive in other aspects of their life, some more than others. I think that human connection is so important. If a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it, does it actually make a sound? If I experience something amazing, but I have no one to share it with, is it really amazing? I know that’s not a perfect comparison, but one can only talk to themselves for so long before one of them gets bored : )

On that note, let’s talk about boredom. What happened to entertaining oneself? Anyone else remember playing games with their siblings in the car? Making forts out of anything you could put your hands on? Listening to the random talk radio that your mom put on in the car. Just talking without having to check your phone? I used to be chastised for trying to read at the dinner table. I miss that. I want to appreciate life as I did back then. I’ve been making an effort to be bored again. Not always have something to listen to while I’m doing things. Let my thoughts wander instead of trying to immediately occupy my mind with something. Traveling helps with that. Talking to people while I’m on the bus rather than just sitting in the uniform Gen Z position, next to each other but silent, slumped over a screen. WALL-E is coming to fruition. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, rewatch the movie. It’s honestly scary.) Last weekend, rather than putting in my earbuds and escaping on the plane ride from Dublin to London and vice versa, I actually read my book and stared into space.

Ok, that turned into a lecture, but it’s something that I feel very strongly about and even more so after my time in Ireland. I struggle with the same things, and I find that my mood goes up significantly when I do things that allow my brain to breathe, such as physical exercise and art. The hardest part is the first step. Once I make the first step to go on a walk, I go for miles. Once I put my phone down and start painting, I can’t stop. Yes, I take pictures while I’m traveling, but I don’t just want to experience the view through a lens. The views at the Cliffs of Moher and the surrounding areas were really amazing, and a photo doesn’t even do them justice, although I will sneak one into this post because it’s still incredible. Times like that, where I’m exploring and interacting with new places, make the air feel fresher. (The cliffs are huge! The little dots in the on the left side are people!)

Last weekend, I went to London with seven other girls, which was both super fun and reminded me how much I miss home. As much as I’m used to not being at home due to boarding school and out-of-state college, I really miss the comfort of the relationships with my family and friends. We all stayed in a one-room Airbnb with a shared bathroom featuring all of the luxuries: a bottle of half-used body wash functioning as hand soap, a questionably bubbling toilet, and a suspiciously crusty shower. Needless to say, I spent as little time as possible in there and never took off my shoes. Other than that, the weekend was wonderful. A lighting tour, you might say. Somehow, we managed to cram sightseeing, two West End shows, the British Museum, dinner, and a night out into one day. I also ended up learning a lot about myself and my sanity. Learning that I need some solitude to reset, learning how easily people get overwhelmed after a long day, how important food and water are to mental stability, and how interesting people are. They offer unique perspectives on life, and definitely each made the trip memorable in their own unique ways. Please enjoy my peak photography and modeling skills displayed below : )

Honestly, if you’re still reading this right now, I applaud you for your determination. I guess to finish up this entry, I want to talk a little bit about some of the things that I’ve picked up in Ireland that I plan to continue when I return home. First off, reusable bags. While working my summer job at a grocery store, some days I would use five packs of plastic grocery bags. It was fairly common for someone to ask for a bag for a one-item purchase. I genuinely can’t remember the last time that I saw one since I’ve been in Europe. I’ll just store them in my car and make it a habit to bring them into the grocery store with me. Save the planet from some plastic and my sanity from carrying 50 bags into the house. Another thing that I will try to emulate is the culture’s relaxed demeanor and overall charismatic approach to people. Americans are often described as peaches when it comes to their interactions with new people- Warm and open with small talk, but it is difficult to get beyond surface-level topics, such as when you get to the pit of the peach. In comparison, I find that Irish people are like blueberries, open and easy to talk to, not really demanding much of a prior relationship in order to have a good chat. I really admire that about the culture. They want to share their culture and country with you and are not uncomfortable talking about topics that may be considered taboo or rude in the US. Not that I am going to lose my filter when talking to people, but I think that there is so much value in honesty when it comes to building friendships with people. Although I do miss my car desperately, I’ve gone to school in New Ulm for the past two years, and I really don’t know the geography that well. I’ve only lived in Maynooth for a couple of months, and, because of my frequent leisurely walks, I can practically make it anywhere without directions. I also find that walks bring me joy while circulating my thoughts and enjoying nature, and help me to sleep better at night in general. Side tangent, I actually have to tire myself out like a toddler in order to be able to sleep at night, which I find hilarious while also being extremely inconvenient. My sleep schedule is the one thing that I will be changing upon my return, which will directly relate to my return to the comforts of my own pillow, but I digress. On a lighter note, I will add cups of tea with milk to my daily routine along with nightly stretches.

I’m really not trying to write a self-help novel here, I swear, just getting some of my thoughts down in writing. I’m hoping that was fairly comprehensive, but I’m sure I lost a couple of people along the way. This journey hasn’t necessarily been what I expected, but I’ve grown in ways that I didn’t even know I needed. One expects being abroad to feel exciting and different from normal life, yet here I am, still worrying about money and whether I will get a passing mark on my next assignment. The same Mathilde, just with a few more experiences under her belt and the newly acquired desire to paint and listen to the Phantom of the Opera soundtrack on repeat. That all being said, I hope that I didn’t bore y’all too much! Hopefully you even had a chuckle or two : ) The mental health benefits of laughter are very underappreciated in my humble opinion.

Peace and love!

Mathilde