The End of the Rainbow

Oh boy, where to even start. As I sit here, munching on cold noodles and procrastinating on my finals, it’s strange to think that I’ve already been here for 11 weeks. Guys, I go home next week. I would say that the semester flew by, but it’s honestly been a real trek. Some parts speeding by in the left lane, yet others sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the freeway. Anywho, let’s get into it.

Firstly, I would say that I’m proud of myself. This semester has been hard in many ways, but honestly, so rewarding. I’ve learned so much about myself and what I am capable of doing if I put my mind to it. I started off the semester knowing no one and feeling completely overwhelmed, and now here I am taking random solo side quests into Dublin for fun. Side note, why are second-hand stores here basically all consignment stores? What does it take for a girl to find a good thrift store that isn’t curated and generally overpriced? Just something to add to the list of things that I miss about home, I guess… Anywho, I’m just generally so proud of how much my independence and confidence have grown over this semester. I have grown to enjoy commutes and reclaim my love of looking out the window and generally just observing the world around me. I’ve spent lovely hours walking around Maynooth and Dublin with no real goal in mind, changing direction when I fancy and popping into places that pique my interest. I’ve enjoyed the time spent with my own thoughts, especially as I have become more and more comfortable with public transport. When I first got here and started using buses and trains, I would worry from the time I planned out my trip to the time that I got back to my apartment that something would go wrong. Now I’m actually able to enjoy it without constantly fretting that I missed my stop or that I got on the wrong bus. (Please enjoy the festive lights of Stephen’s Green Shopping Center, the final destination of one of my solo adventures.)

 

That all being said, the semester hasn’t necessarily been what I expected it to be. Do I wish that I had pushed myself to use public transportation sooner? Or forced myself to use some of my time more wisely rather than wallowing in my room? Yes and yes, but I can’t go back and change the past. All I can do is be introspective and learn from those experiences by making different choices in the future. Of course, that is easier said than done, and I would be lying if I said that I haven’t already antagonized over certain things, but I have to look at it with a more positive attitude. Make small and purposeful changes, and the results will encourage me to continue the journey. As a small example, the other day, I had planned to stop in my professor’s office to discuss an exam, but I was really dreading it and was seriously considering just winging the exam . Once I actually got to the meeting, however, it turned into an hour-long conversation that simultaneously answered all my questions about the impending exam and was a genuinely great chat. Choosing things that are initially difficult or challenging is not one’s natural instinct, but they really are the most rewarding in the end. That is something that I will always remember, especially after this semester.

 

There are many things that I’ve learned over the past few months, and I hope to incorporate many of those things into my “normal life” back home. I’ve had such a great time starting new healthy habits- being intentional about being physically active every day, beyond my regular movement to and from class, listening to sermons while I’m on my walks, giving myself brain breaks by painting rather than scrolling, and generally making small but difficult steps in order to meet my goals. I’ve also enjoyed embracing my own style and artistic eye while I’ve been abroad, picking up art that intrigues me and experimenting with outfits that have been out of my comfort zone in the past. On top of that, catch me embracing scarves and tote bags. I’ve realized that I am my biggest critic and that I should make an effort to impress myself and quit worrying about what other people think of my outfits. Spoiler alert to all the self-conscious people out there, no one is looking at you; they’re just worrying about how they look. Kind of a vicious cycle, huh? (And boom, my artist rendition of a Dublin bus breaking into a splatter painting.)

 

I’ve been grateful for the opportunity to experience the world through a whole new lens. A foreigner with practically no connections, except for a shared language and roommates I’ve just met. That sounds drastic, but it was honestly quite scary at times, especially near the beginning, as I was learning to navigate this unfamiliar culture. I’ve found that my empathy for people, especially immigrants, has grown. It’s so easy to become frustrated with people who don’t already know how to do something that seems so simple to you, yet once one gets just a glimpse of what life is like in their shoes, the importance of patience and kindness becomes so clear. I’ve been blessed to have interacted with so many nice and patient people during my time here in Ireland. God has truly blessed me by giving me experiences that expand my limits, while still keeping me safe. This semester has taught me to take a breath and rely on him. Your computer just broke, and you got here last week… it’ll be alright. You’re feeling overwhelmed by your schedule planning…it’ll work out eventually. Oh no, the machine ate your £50 bill… it’s ok, you’ll get it back. You missed your train…there’ll be another. Problems feel less and less major when you look at the bigger picture. God has got this. It sounds cringey, but God is bigger than the world, and he has your best interests in mind, always. I know that I will always struggle with worrying, but God has refocused my life this semester. Don’t sweat it, it’ll all work out in the end. May as well just laugh it off and keep going.

 

If I were to give advice to those thinking about studying abroad, I would say to just try it. Push yourself to try new things even if they seem scary. Be the person to initiate interactions. Allow yourself to be “awkward” in order to create connections and forge friendships. I’m not saying to always say yes. In fact, if you ever feel at all uncomfortable about something, trust yourself. Say no, turn around, call a friend, whatever, don’t just go along with it because you think that you’re overthinking it. Chances are that your gut is right. Another thing I would say is to explore as much as you can. I understand that finances can be tight and one cannot afford to be travelling somewhere every weekend, but take any opportunity you have. Explore the city where you’re studying and the country. Look for the small details that people often miss. Let yourself relax. Find a hobby to explore. Don’t let the fomo- fear of missing out- both abroad and back home bring you down. Don’t feel like your experience is worthless because you aren’t constantly doing something “exciting”. Finally, give yourself grace. You’re in a whole other country, learning to live life while also doing school. Jesus loves you, and he gives you the strength to keep going even through the tough days. (A cozy scene that I snapped a picture of while on one of my walks. I love the stained glass!!!)

 

Whoa, this is a long one, I know, but it feels good to get all of that onto proverbial paper. I’ve experienced so much this semester, and grown in ways that I didn’t even know I was capable. I know that I will miss the environment I’ve grown accustomed to, but I look forward to sitting on my final flight back home after finishing my finals and reuniting with my family in person for Christmas. I just have a few finals, a couple papers, and a connecting flight in Amsterdam to get through before I can feel that peace. Wish me luck. ANYWHO, I gotta hit the hay and prepare for my American History exam. Who knew that American History class would be harder in Ireland??? Not to mention creating my very own *copy paper version* Irish manuscript… Yeah, your girl’s gonna be busy this week. Crossing my fingers that my bag isn’t overweight…

 

Peace and love!

Mathilde