First Impressions of the Land of 10,000 Sheep

This week has put me through a whirlwind of emotions. If you are reading this blog for all sunshine and rainbows, I’m afraid you’re in the wrong place. Life is certainly not wonderful all the time, even when you’re jumping into a semester of your dreams. I’ll be completely honest. I’ve felt more uncomfortable this week than I can remember feeling in years. I know that I am doing this in order to push myself beyond my limits, but I would be lying if I told you that this week has not made me question how much I can take. Of course, I am getting ahead of myself. Let’s have a quick recap.

Firstly, the airport in general. I can be quoted as saying that I enjoy flying and airports are entertaining, but I fear I may go back on my word after my most recent adventures. From flying into one airport in New York City and having to find a way to get to the other and board my plane to getting the middle seat of the middle row on the sleepless flight to Dublin, I can confidently say that I no longer look forward to flights. Alas, I survived and even made it through the 30-plus-hour day that resulted. 

I think the hardest thing this week has been having nothing familiar to rely on for comfort. I’m forced to find familiarity with my flatmates and the places on campus that I’ve visited a handful of times. Besides that, everything that happens seems to add to my stress. Class schedule not working out, jumping through multiple hoops just for my emails to be left unanswered, my computer deciding to break the day before classes start, traveling to Dublin alone to buy a new computer, and feeling that I’m in the wrong place or that I should be participating in some activity. It’s been a struggle to find the joy in the stressful situations, but I’ve been pushing myself to focus on the future and keep my chin up through it all. I cannot truly control anything, so I have to remember that even in the loneliness and feelings of helplessness, I can always look to Jesus, the one who is always there for me and truly understands everything that I’m dealing with this week.

Anywho, on that note, I went to Catholic mass this week, which was very interesting. I went out of curiosity, hoping to find comfort from the word of God, but instead I found myself even more uncomfortable. The service was riddled with traditions and things that people do, but there aren’t explicit instructions on what to do. I struggled to find God’s love in the rigid structure and confusing liturgy. It felt like a scavenger hunt, but the instructions are in a whole different, unfamiliar language, and there is no one else there to show you where to start. As much as I find peace in the regularity and consistency of some traditions in church services, by attending this service, I gained the perspective of an outsider, and I can see how our services may seem daunting to those attending for the first time. I also realized how alone I am in my faith here. It will be difficult to keep myself accountable for staying in the word, but I find that it is the only thing that I can cling to for comfort.

I’m fully aware that this blog has been very negative so far, but I just needed to get those feelings on the table right away. Now that we’ve been through that turmoil, we can talk about the wonderful world of Ireland. Firstly, the people are so nice and willing to help with whatever you need. They are interested in getting to know you and are particularly interested in comparing the US with Ireland. I recently went on a walking tour of Dublin, and the guide was a perfect example of all of the people that I’ve met so far. The best way to describe her was cheery- full of laughs and a desire to show us her city. She put an emphasis on having human connections and going out of one’s way to talk to people in order to break away from a technologically advanced yet socially inept society. This week, I’ve been working on taking her advice by going out of my comfort zone and chatting with people that I run into, rather than just allowing silence to fill the air. My goal is to leave the interaction with a new friend rather than just a familiar face.

Along with the people, the weather is so beautiful- a mild range of 50-65 degrees with occasional sunshine, with scattered showers almost guaranteed every day. It’s in between the weather that you can never fully prepare yourself for, and I love it. It’s normal to carry around a tote bag here, so if I get uncomfortable with a jacket on, I can just take it off and put it in my bag. It’s truly a perfect system. It’s perfect fall weather minus the fact that the leaves are not crunchy due to the damp climate, a fact that I sadly found out after attempting a leaf stomp the other day. It was a heartbreaking realization made worse by the number of people who watched my failure… Oh well, we live and we learn. 

While I have felt fairly uncomfortable for the majority of this past week, my flatmates have been a light in the loneliness. Since we are all in the same boat of not knowing anyone and having to figure out living in Ireland on our own, we have quickly teamed up, and I can already feel our connection growing. While we are all very different and are from all across the US, they are becoming the people that I rely on for comfort and familiarity. I find myself spending more and more time in the common spaces where the number of awkward silences is swiftly being overtaken by the number of laughs. I have people to explore Maynooth with and even Dublin if we are feeling up for an adventure. 

Phew, I think that’s all I’ve got so far. For those of you who made it through the whole thing, I really appreciate you. It has already been a journey, and I’ve only been in Ireland for a week. As the whirlwind inevitably continues this semester, I look forward to getting more and more comfortable with my new environment and growing in my independence. Oh, I almost forgot, the picture for this month is of me next to the castle that is literally on my campus…?!?! Also, notice how green it is??? Europe is so cool. Ok, I promise, I’m actually done now. 

All the love!

Mathilde