Mood like the Weather
I was recently trying to decide what to write about for this blog while on a plane, and so many things
went through my mind that I fell asleep. (That could’ve been due to the fact that I got only three hours of sleep the night before, but who really knows…) I could write about anything and everything. My travels, my flatmates, the food, you name it. I think that focusing on those things, however, would give an incomplete view of my semester. This semester has been a whirlwind of emotions. Really, really high highs and really, really low lows. Considering the fact that I will assuredly be giving a highlight reel of my adventures many times over in the future, I figured that for this blog, I’d put the negative of that film on display. A behind-the-scenes look at my life over the past few months, you might say. Not that I won’t talk about my travels or new experiences; those are things that have shaped my moods and this period of personal growth. However, I want to paint a realistic picture of my time abroad. As much as this blog is for the readers, the process of dissecting my thoughts enough to put them into cohesive words has already helped me to truly appreciate how much I’ve grown as a person. (Pictured above: An enjoyable time of solitude featuring a warm minced pie and an espresso.)
I chose this title because I have found that throughout my life, my mood has mirrored the weather, which I think is true for many people. Seasonal depression doesn’t leave a stone unturned. That being said, just as the weather here fluctuates consistently, so has my mood changed drastically at times this semester. The excitement of traveling caught off guard by the ho-hum of the school week. A flip-flop between craving the comfort of familiarity and loving the freedom of unfamiliarity. I’ve found that a semester abroad isn’t for the faint of heart; it’s for those who believe that they can handle it. It will simultaneously be one of the most difficult times in your life and also one of the most fulfilling.
I’ve found that what I do and how I live out my days truly affects my moods. If you’ve been keeping up with my blogs, you already know that I don’t have much homework and I have a lot of free time, especially during the week. Considering the go, go, go attitude of American culture, having this much uninterrupted solitude is something that I haven’t ever really experienced. It’s like a choose-your-own-adventure novel. I have nothing going on. Do I: a) doom scroll online, b) read a book, c) go outside for some exercise, d) explore a new hobby, e) call someone, or f) see if any of my friends are free? I know that each one of them will affect my mood later, but it’s easy to forget the final outcome when clicking on an app is so much easier than leaving my room to go for a run. Self-motivation is difficult. One of the biggest things that I’ve learned about myself this semester is that I need time constraints and people in my life. I’m not talking rigorous scheduling, but at least some outward motivation to keep myself on task. Solitude also doesn’t help with motivation. Of course, most people need some solitude to thrive in other aspects of their life, some more than others. I think that human connection is so important. If a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it, does it actually make a sound? If I experience something amazing, but I have no one to share it with, is it really amazing? I know that’s not a perfect comparison, but one can only talk to themselves for so long before one of them gets bored : )
On that note, let’s talk about boredom. What happened to entertaining oneself? Anyone else remember playing games with their siblings in the car? Making forts out of anything you could put your hands on? Listening to the random talk radio that your mom put on in the car. Just talking without having to check your phone? I used to be chastised for trying to read at the dinner table. I miss that. I want to appreciate life as I did back then. I’ve been making an effort to be bored again. Not always have something to listen to while I’m doing things. Let my thoughts wander instead of trying to immediately occupy my mind with something. Traveling helps with that. Talking to people while I’m on the bus rather than just sitting in the uniform Gen Z position, next to each other but silent, slumped over a screen. WALL-E is coming to fruition. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, rewatch the movie. It’s honestly scary.) Last weekend, rather than putting in my earbuds and escaping on the plane ride from Dublin to London and vice versa, I actually read my book and stared into space.
Ok, that turned into a lecture, but it’s something that I feel very strongly about and even more so after my time in Ireland. I struggle with the same things, and I find that my mood goes up significantly when I do things that allow my brain to breathe, such as physical exercise and art. The hardest part is the first step. Once I make the first step to go on a walk, I go for miles. Once I put my phone down and start painting, I can’t stop. Yes, I take pictures while I’m traveling, but I don’t just want to experience the view through a lens. The views at the Cliffs of Moher and the surrounding areas were really amazing, and a photo doesn’t even do them justice, although I will sneak one into this post because it’s still incredible. Times like that, where I’m exploring and interacting with new places, make the air feel fresher. (The cliffs are huge! The little dots in the on the left side are people!)
Last weekend, I went to London with seven other girls, which was both super fun and reminded me how much I miss home. As much as I’m used to not being at home due to boarding school and out-of-state college, I really miss the comfort of the relationships with my family and friends. We all stayed in a one-room Airbnb with a shared bathroom featuring all of the luxuries: a bottle of half-used body wash functioning as hand soap, a questionably bubbling toilet, and a suspiciously crusty shower. Needless to say, I spent as little time as possible in there and never took off my shoes. Other than that, the weekend was wonderful. A lighting tour, you might say. Somehow, we managed to cram sightseeing, two West End shows, the British Museum, dinner, and a night out into one day. I also ended up learning a lot about myself and my sanity. Learning that I need some solitude to reset, learning how easily people get overwhelmed after a long day, how important food and water are to mental stability, and how interesting people are. They offer unique perspectives on life, and definitely each made the trip memorable in their own unique ways. Please enjoy my peak photography and modeling skills displayed below : )
Honestly, if you’re still reading this right now, I applaud you for your determination. I guess to finish up this entry, I want to talk a little bit about some of the things that I’ve picked up in Ireland that I plan to continue when I return home. First off, reusable bags. While working my summer job at a grocery store, some days I would use five packs of plastic grocery bags. It was fairly common for someone to ask for a bag for a one-item purchase. I genuinely can’t remember the last time that I saw one since I’ve been in Europe. I’ll just store them in my car and make it a habit to bring them into the grocery store with me. Save the planet from some plastic and my sanity from carrying 50 bags into the house. Another thing that I will try to emulate is the culture’s relaxed demeanor and overall charismatic approach to people. Americans are often described as peaches when it comes to their interactions with new people- Warm and open with small talk, but it is difficult to get beyond surface-level topics, such as when you get to the pit of the peach. In comparison, I find that Irish people are like blueberries, open and easy to talk to, not really demanding much of a prior relationship in order to have a good chat. I really admire that about the culture. They want to share their culture and country with you and are not uncomfortable talking about topics that may be considered taboo or rude in the US. Not that I am going to lose my filter when talking to people, but I think that there is so much value in honesty when it comes to building friendships with people. Although I do miss my car desperately, I’ve gone to school in New Ulm for the past two years, and I really don’t know the geography that well. I’ve only lived in Maynooth for a couple of months, and, because of my frequent leisurely walks, I can practically make it anywhere without directions. I also find that walks bring me joy while circulating my thoughts and enjoying nature, and help me to sleep better at night in general. Side tangent, I actually have to tire myself out like a toddler in order to be able to sleep at night, which I find hilarious while also being extremely inconvenient. My sleep schedule is the one thing that I will be changing upon my return, which will directly relate to my return to the comforts of my own pillow, but I digress. On a lighter note, I will add cups of tea with milk to my daily routine along with nightly stretches.
I’m really not trying to write a self-help novel here, I swear, just getting some of my thoughts down in writing. I’m hoping that was fairly comprehensive, but I’m sure I lost a couple of people along the way. This journey hasn’t necessarily been what I expected, but I’ve grown in ways that I didn’t even know I needed. One expects being abroad to feel exciting and different from normal life, yet here I am, still worrying about money and whether I will get a passing mark on my next assignment. The same Mathilde, just with a few more experiences under her belt and the newly acquired desire to paint and listen to the Phantom of the Opera soundtrack on repeat. That all being said, I hope that I didn’t bore y’all too much! Hopefully you even had a chuckle or two : ) The mental health benefits of laughter are very underappreciated in my humble opinion.
Peace and love!
Mathilde
specifically about all the conversations that I’ve had, the scenes that I’ve observed, and all of the things that I’ve learned about different cultures during my time abroad so far. I’ve been mulling over this prompt for about a week, although some could call it procrastinating, and having it in the back of my mind has made me appreciate experiences that I have begun to take for granted. Two months ago, these differences were blinding, pushing me out of my comfort zone academically and socially. Needless to say, I did actually have a conversation with my Irish friend, geesh, I think we’ll just call her Mary, so I don’t out her, so the rest of this blog will include info from both overall observations about Irish culture and that conversation with my friend.
culture and its connection to the Catholic church. In my research before arriving in Ireland, I learned about their history, especially the age-long dispute between Catholics and Protestants. The Republic of Ireland is considered a Catholic nation, but when I asked Mary if she was Catholic, she said yes, but said that she only attends mass twice a year- Easter and Christmas- and doesn’t really believe what they teach. I’ve found that this is true for a majority of the Irish people I’ve met. Catholicism is a part of their heritage and culture more than it is something to which they actually subscribe. Mary said that the only member of her family who actually goes regularly is her gran. Because the religion is seen as a part of their history, many of my education lecturers talk about how the education system is too influenced by religion, seeing as the majority of primary schools are run by the church, and that we need to update the curriculum to escape the past. I am honestly not too shocked by this realization, as I feel that America is fairly similar. Many are not at all religious, and many who report as being part of a certain group also don’t attend church often, except on the “important days”.
subconscious praying because it is genuinely the only thing that will calm my body down so that I can sleep at night. After this semester of sleep troubles, my pillow at home goes into the same boat as my car- something that I will never underappreciate again. Anywho, I’ve started to focus more on physical activity as the days start to get dark by 5:30. I find that, like most people, my mood goes down with the sun, and my body calls it quits as soon as the sun does. As an attempt to combat this and also take advantage of some of my ample free time, I purchased a cheap yet effective watercolor set from the seasonal aisle at Aldi, and I have started a new hobby. I find painting very relaxing, even during the brief period of time when I was finger painting due to my lack of brushes, and I’m even finding myself admiring some of my own work. While I’ve always had difficulties acknowledging my talents and being proud of myself, I think that this newfound hobby is good for my brain and is helping me to value myself and my abilities. Any other news…? Huh, well, can we just talk about how easy it is to put cleaning on the back burner when you are the only one using a space? As much as I really appreciate clean floors, I have vacuumed my room once this semester, and that’s only because my flatmate had one that she had borrowed from the office and offered to me. I have also mopped my bathroom once this semester… are you sensing a theme? Doing the bare minimum to get by and not be disgusting. Yeah, it may sound gross, but believe me, it’s really just fine… I think. Ok, stop judging me.
On that note, I do feel very accomplished having finally gotten a handle on public transport, specifically buses. I actively avoided them for a while, preferring to utilize the train and walk anywhere after that, but I quickly realized that not everything is conveniently close to said station, most importantly, the airport. I am proud to report, however, that after a couple of missed buses and a few anxiety-filled rides, I finally feel fairly confident about using Dublin buses. I have found that my confidence in general has risen since this triumph, especially after my most recent solo trek from my apartment to Frankfurt. Yes, ma’am, I made it all in one piece, and I only forgot an adapter. Oops! But luckily the Germans are very efficient and the local technology store outfitted me with another charging cable for only £4. I can now use my laptop in both the UK and Germany, but not in the US – peak comedy for this American writer. The picture on the left is what I would consider a peaceful moment in Germany- coffee and writing my blog while looking out the window to the village below.
During every minute of downtime this week, I have considered what to write about for this blog. As it is the midterm one, I felt that it should be a thorough overview of my feelings about the semester and details about things that I’ve learned and or noticed about myself and my surroundings. While I tried my best to put all of my thoughts together and into words, I’m sure that there are many other things that I have forgotten to write about, as I am the only one prompting myself, and I fear that I have forgotten some of the things that I told myself to write about. For example, I used to think that it was strange to drink tea with milk, but now I prefer it, and always with a biscuit on the side if possible. I cannot claim to be Irish or European, but I truly appreciate many of the aspects of their culture, and I plan to implement some of the things that I have learned into my life back in the US. I have already begun my reusable bag collection, so look out for this fashion icon ; )
Luckily for me and my procrastination tendencies, I only have each class once a week, which leaves me a good five days to think about doing the readings before doing them the night before the class. I’m only joking…mostly. Another saving grace is that I really enjoy my classes, as I’m able to take electives that genuinely interest me. I’m taking classes such as ‘Emigration in Nineteenth and Twentieth Century Irish Society’ and ‘Cultural Heritage and the Irish Literary Tradition’, along with a few other ones that I actually need to take for credit. It’s been interesting to take classes such as ‘American History’ or other methodology classes, such as ‘Teaching PE’, from the Irish perspective. 
Speaking of overwhelming, the class sizes for some of my classes are just that. Walking into class to find that you have to ask a whole row of people to stand up so you can awkwardly squeeze past them to the one empty seat in the lecture theatre is definitely a moment that would not make my top ten. I know that MLC has much smaller class sizes than most other colleges, but I just find big lectures to be too much for me. It’s like we’re sardines in a can – both in terms of proximity to people and the smell. Rumor has it that the personal hygiene of our peers improves as we get older, but I can confirm that is not the case. That being said, it is very difficult to focus on a screen that is at least 50 feet away while you’re simultaneously sitting in an armpit. Yes, I’m quite possibly being overdramatic, but I’m just trying to be a competent reporter. 
The craziest thing is, there is quaint accommodation on campus, it’s just on the opposite side of campus, the pretty side. The side we live on is modern. Iron and glass everywhere. Abstract sculptures, geometric shapes, the whole bag. Then all you have to do is cross the road that splits the campus in half, and suddenly you are in picturesque Ireland – large, moss-covered stone buildings, a massive Gothic church, and a beautiful, green courtyard. Below is a picture of the casual beauty that I encounter when I cross the road on my afternoon runs. (Psst, there’s a picture of the church if you scroll down). A perfect example of a juxtaposition. Wow, 11th-grade honors English class is coming in clutch for the big words today. 
Unfortunately, with independence comes maintenance, namely cleaning, which my flatmates and I have found to be frustrating as hair seems to collect so quickly and the bread here seems to be so crumbly. Maybe the lime green just makes it more obvious, who knows? While we’re on the topic of first-world problems, making my own food sounds all fine and dandy until I actually have to go and buy groceries and walk them back home. For those wondering, a backpack is always the way to go. Independence also requires self-regulation and motivation, which is easy to slack on when you have the option of rotting in your room without anyone knowing or saying a word. Those are the times that I have to remind myself that I am in IRELAND and that I should make the most of the time that I’m here. Luckily for me, my flatmates think the same way. 
This week has put me through a whirlwind of emotions. If you are reading this blog for all sunshine and rainbows, I’m afraid you’re in the wrong place. Life is certainly not wonderful all the time, even when you’re jumping into a semester of your dreams. I’ll be completely honest. I’ve felt more uncomfortable this week than I can remember feeling in years. I know that I am doing this in order to push myself beyond my limits, but I would be lying if I told you that this week has not made me question how much I can take. Of course, I am getting ahead of myself. Let’s have a quick recap.